Category Archives: Strings

A Little Stringy

Once again I’ve missed a couple months looking at my logs of search strings, so here’s what caught my eye for August and September…

licky boom boom
moustaches kill people
bermuda bahama c mon pretty mama to key largo lyrics – sounds like you know most of ’em
guinness world record adam’s apple
jesuses photos – I think he took “Holy”-roids
list of movies with sex and violence – Longest. List. Ever.
stomach drunk – liver wasted
middlemen needed – the job listings I was responding to
sleeping asses collections
what is a goatherd – you sir, are a goatherd

In the String of Things

I think I missed a month or two of the search string roundup, so here’s the best of May and June…

boobs – still a lot of variations
biggest boobs ever unblocked – but this one cracked me up
straight drunk
swim cap blowjob
co-worker blowjob stats – ahhh, here is where the blowjob hits are coming from
eskimos trampoline
guinness record for number of poops in a day – what the?
paris hilton new! the trust fund girl in home sex action!!! – yeah! with the exclamation marks!!!
poopy kids
photos of unsuccessful tongue piercings – like, tongues without holes in them?
symbolism of freckle under eye – you don’t want to know
hamsters with birthmarks in odd places – gasp! not a freckle under the eye, is it?

String-dong the Witch is Dead

I forgot to post my month-end list of search-string madness for April, so here's the quick rundown. This month's theme seems to be strange fetishes and obsessions…

* More than 300 Janet Jackson/boob related search string hits
* beard trimming pictures
* better boob inspection
* french sport that jump and climb around buildings
* girls who like to smell feet
* guinness record hairy pubic
* karate dominatrix
* ninja gaiden corridor of doom
* porker shirt
* recurring roller blading dreams
* rhinocerous penis
* shaven taco
* the snot stops here
* unshaven athletes
* whores kokomo


For the month of March I got more than 300 hits from search strings related to Janet Jackson's boob. I think last month's janet jackson's boob round-up helped a lot. Looking at all of the different ways that people search for this one thing makes for an interesting search engine usability study. Maybe I'll compile the master list next month.

Some of the more amusing non-Janet boob related strings:

* dan savage shaved pubic
* chamois on a stick
* penis cheese
* big tit swimteam
* breathing underwater hamsters
* cadaver or blades or spastic or mediterraneanizations or dream
* do hamsters have dreams
* fat alcoholic grandpa photos
* how much art can you take
* old poopy cars
* panama whores
* swim cap tits
* trees with branches
* world record giant crab picture

And yes, I got one search string from someone searching for “excavator bucket”, which you could probably guess from the second comment on this page.

Lots of boobs and a penis

First off… Best. Comment spam. Ever.

Next, February gave us this fun line-up of search strings…

admiral chase – No, no… AdmiralChase
bleep bleep nextel off – Done.
blowjob unblocked – Try getting to know her first – Soon to be home of the wildest dance parties
elephant trainer ass – Yes I’ve seen the video where the trainer gets his head stuck in the elephant’s ass. No it isn’t anywhere on my site.
holy hits – Float like an ascending Jesus, sting like a crown of thorns
how to blow up a snow tube – Fertilizer bombs are easiest to make and pack the most punch
how to find out someones penis size – First get a ruler. All measurements should be done in units of– oh my… that’s HUGE
oneself – What are the existential implications of somebody searching for oneself on the internet?
porker biking – New sport for you Alex
shave neck hair front – Careful of the Adam’s apple – Nothing there… yet.
who is chris taylor – Who are you?
why do i have a hairy birthmark – Because your genes hate you

And of course because I wrote this entry after the Superbowl, I ended up getting a whole ton of “Janet Jackson boob” related hits (not to mention some amusing overreactions to my post). Continue to read the full list, complete with number of hits per search string. Let’s beat this dead horse into an unrecognizeable bloody pulp…
Continue reading


January's search string All-Star lineup:

* neck-hair hairy
* actual picture of pubic crabs
* cool things to say while drunk
* eskimos kissing picture
* home strippers kokomo in
* i like my coffee like i like my women with large breasts
* intelligent collections of abstract thought patterns
* intestine drunk
* like my coffee men cold bitter
* my ster fucked
* penis cheese
* sledding fractured her
* smell feet

A year-ish in Search Strings

I nearly forgot about my monthly wrap-up of the best search strings. So not only will I give you the best of December '03, but I will then give you some of the best search strings from all of '03 (since July, because that's when I started recording them all).

December '03 brought us, well, a lot of dirty search strings:

* More than 100 hits for elephant drawings and variations thereof
* santorum frothy
* how are paris hilton and nicole ritchie related (only in their filthy rich, ignorant, small-town-destroying smugness)
* bar room whores
* britney spears dominatrix shrug
* drunk snowman
* fuck emissions testing
* girl flat stomach in tube top (if I have any on my site, please tell me!)
* guinness world record longest penis (definitely the right site for that, baby)
* i hardly know her
* i like fat chicks (head to Taco Bell and order a Gordita)
* owes me a blowjob
* swimteam pictures boys
* trick or treat smell my feet
* up your dress
* what to do while drunk (see the above list for suggestions)

Needless to say, December was not a family-friendly month on this weblog. And without further ado, here are my ten favorite search strings from 2003, in no particular order:

* clean shaven schizophrenia
* pierced my ears wife
* dorothy fucked oz
* trucker hat glasses pabst blue ribbon hoodie
* pictures of hairy birthmarks
* how do eskimos survive in antarctica (they don't!!)
* tall belgian dominatrix fantasy
* i hardly know her
* his slut wife messed up and got fucked
* everyone wants to be recognized

Holy hits on a stick!

A few odd ones, but really nothing that exciting this time around. I did set up a new category just for my monthly search string summaries. Here's this month's round-up of search strings bringing random folk here:

  • where’s siberia
  • male gaze
  • which ice cream melts faster
  • alaskan whores
  • a licky boom boom
  • chamois butt’r
  • dan savage paris hilton tape
  • dorothy gets fucked wizard
  • giant kitty
  • i can shake it like a polaroid picture
  • irony pabst blue ribbon sometimes want to drink
  • karate fuck girl
  • monkey blimp
  • pictures of pubic crabs
  • pirates carribean blowjob
  • smell my feet
  • wesley clark shirtless
  • whores attack

And the “How” section:

  • how do eskimos survive in the antarctica
  • how do i play pool better
  • how do you draw elephants
  • how to unblock myself on aim
  • how to draw elephant characters
  • how to have shaggy haircuts indie style
  • how to look like an indie kid
  • how to spot a indie kid

String cheese

My words continue to suck helpless Google searchers into the mess that is this site. Here are some of October's victims:

* el duce (a whopping 7 hits for this one. I'm sure everyone was disappointed when they realized it was a page about a former coworker who called himself that, and not the Italian dictator)
* pixelated face (I think I'm going to start using this phrase as a new insult)
* lopolis (I think it's cool that someone searched for this non-word. or maybe it was just me playing around on google one day)
* bicycle alarms (might be a tad overkill)
* british dinner party
* crappy action hero
* everyone wants to be recognized
* elephant poops on trainer (what, no “tiger chomps on trainer”?)
* hipster grandpa
* how to look like a (I got three of these, hipster, trucker, indie kid)
* ideas for screennames (I've gotten a lot of variations on this one. It boggles my mind. If you can't think of an original screenname, most places recommend one!! Also, if anything actually turns up in your internet search there's an even better chance that it's already taken.)
* jackass dominatrix
* pictures of hairy birthmarks
* robots that were good but went bad in movies
* shpadoinkle origin (Cannibal: The Musical)
* subverting the gaze (more here)
* trucker hat glasses pabst blue ribbon hoodie (hahaha… you're trying too hard there buddy)

And then we get dirty:

* nerd fucking (is this another horrible hobby like hogging?)
* maximum/girls
* hot wife collections
* dorothy fucked oz (boy did she ever!)
* bar whores .com (who wants to start it with me? maybe a Drunk of the Week type deal)
* and your ass face (yeah, and that too)
* preteen penis (I've got your preteen penis right here)
* absurd fucking
* unblock sex fuck picture movies (sometimes if you flip the channels back and forth really fast, you can make out the picture through the scrambling)

Still searching

Some people still haven't found what they're looking for. Especially, those “eskimos in antarctica”.

46 total hits related to “elephant drawings” or “drawing elephants“. I really should set up a page that is the definitive internet resource on elephant drawing. Apparently there are people out there that demand it. There are also people that demand Nude Max Payne.

The month of September also yielded:

* le parkour deaths
* obey giant hoodie
* unblocked sexy pictures
* stp tacks
* bicycle hemmoroids
* guinness world record blowjob
* hipsters trust fund
* i want to see girl kissing girl
* marshmellow shoes
* love my alcoholic rage
* passivism
* pierced my ears wife
* pussy collections


I still have a billion (yes, really, a billion) pictures from last weekend to organize and put up online. Soon. But first to get the monthly search strings out of the way. Since I keep Google bombing myself, I keep getting more and more hits for the search strings I've already listed. Here are some new ones I haven't seen before.

* rotundus maximus
* carmen sandiego instant messenger buddy icon
* clean shaven schizophrenia
* even more charac
* funny
* gas-guzzling muffler air cause super clean living collection of
* his slut wife messed up and got fucked
* kissed someone else
* i hate you and your ass face
* will you go out with me buddy icon
* break up buddy icon
* rock

Search strings galore

This month I tweaked my web stats so I could view each and every one of the precious search strings that brought people here. I sure was missing out before. Or I was just too lazy to mess with the full stats. Anyway…

* talking to oneself (this has consistently been #1 for the past few months)
* i like my coffee like i like my women (which I never realized is originally attributed to Eddie Izzard)
* boys in drag (that is just wonderful)
* count the number of people entering the mall (maybe I'll do that next time I'm downtown)
* eskimos in antarctica (wow. just… wow. somebody searched for “eskimos in antarctica”. lemme tell ya, you're gonna be searching for a loooong time.)
* goat herd photos
* hunting for bambi las vegas (no idea how they ended up on my site, so I linked to the real thing, which is pretty damn funny)
* i once had a fork. it looked like a spoon so i called it a spoo
* karate oldies but goodies
* melinda and belinda (ahh… the twins)
* osha says fuck it
* patrick swayze cosmetic surgery
* pink roller shoes
* running hemmoroids (I'm sorry dude, I really am)
* tall belgian dominatrix fantasy (yup, all those words are somewhere on that page)
* wa state emissions inspection (and many variations thereof. with a little work I think I could start beating out the cartalk and pages. I'm already ahead of the .gov's)

This month also had the MissShady Saga which added a whole slew of fun search terms to the mix. They almost read like a haiku recap of the entire saga.

* tyrese buddy icon
* aol instant messenger unblock screen name
* brazillian waxes
* good ideas for aim screennames
* getting unblocked in aim
* bakini university