Category Archives: Strings

The Wheels on the Blog Go Round and Round

Or maybe, “The Blog in the Sky Keeps on Turnin”?

Anyway, as usual I haven’t been posting too often, but my archive of old posts still get visitors from all over the place. Most of those visitors arrive here by some interesting search keywords.

Some time in the past couple months I moved to the #1 spot in Google for “bowling team names” and I’ve seen a pretty good spike in visitors via that phrase. I still have the occasional visitor add another creative name to the list.

Pulling from the past few months of logs, some of the more obscure search strings that have brought people across this site are…

dogs and cats photos play times photos – Let me direct you to Cute Overload
hand of god nailed to cross
unique facts about me – Who types this into Google? What are you expecting it to tell you? (fair enough, there’s a blog meme along these lines)
will ____ attend – This made me laugh. I also got a bunch of wedding invitation RSVP-related strings. I guess plenty of people are confused by those little cards.
beardtrimmingpictures – alloneword
chris taylor seattle photo – Going by a different name makes this a tricky one, especially with all the other Chris Taylor’s out there.
fuck halo 3 – One of many “fuck ___” strings. People are so angry.
give me pictures of jesus getting crucified – And I’ll give you a Roman soldier with a cameraphone.
i dreamt of an ailing dog – Thanks for sharing.
if irony – Go to sarcasm
airline life vests in movies
1024 x 768 heard – Heard that 800 x 600 ain’t hangin’ around no more.
bermuda ______ come on pretty mama! – Bahama.
civil liberties and intelius – Let me introduce you to Naveen Jain.
do neo nazis have pretty girlfriends – Beauty is only skinhead deep.
email coming from california shows up in my inbox 1 hour late – 1 hour later than what? Email in my inbox shows up precisely when it does.
new england during winter – It isn’t always pleasant, but sometimes I miss it.
new paintball players per year graph – Corresponds to the birth rate of red states?
turkey wishbone origination – Evolution.
drunk tech support – An SNL skit waiting to happen.
guinness record for not blinking your eyes – I couldn’t find it. Let me know if you do.

That’s all for now. Until next time.

String Cleaning

Another few months gone by and a whole bunch more search strings. So here we go…

halo 2 – For some reason this has been steadily rising in the past months. I didn’t find my site anywhere in the first few hundred results on Google, or the first few pages of Yahoo results. I suppose the volume could just be high enough that wherever I am in the results has changed just enough that I’m getting a little bigger slice of the traffic. Also mysterious is that my actual post pages talking about halo 2 are considered supplemental in Google, and my category archive pages are appearing. I’ll have to work on fixing that.

ed rondthaler – Since rising to the #1 result for my Great God-father’s name, I’ve seen a big jump in referrals for his name. I wonder if the centenarian ad has been showing more.

And of course the more random strings…

duluth is on fire
poorly designed sculptures
definition of revelant – still not a word
eskimos in antarctica – still not there
in the bum no – I can’t quite figure this one out. Nor do I want to.
occasional times seattle – What a great name for a newspaper: The Occasional Times
vizzle – fo shizzle
birthday party supplies of hulk hogan
trippy purple
best movies groundhog day godfather james bond pulp fiction ame – What are you searching for?
checkout line discrimination
i could have made this painting – Me too
name of alternative urban climbing and running sportparkour
this moustache
trees with branches – um, most of em?
what does the state of connecticut look like – There are some cities, roads, suburbs, some farms and rolling hills up North, and an old New England coastline down South
can you dilate your eyes to look like anime eyes – yeah, but it hurts like a bitch and don’t even think about going out in the sunlight
correct way to fill out wedding response card
Hanqing Dong – Still my favorite name
tasteless quiz team namesTasteless trivia team names are our specialty
uncrucified – Wouldn’t the opposite of being crucified just be, uh, not getting nailed to a cross?

Super Sunday Strings

It’s been a while since I’ve written much here (Alert! Blog cliche #1: Blogging about not blogging. Blog.) So let’s get back into things with some long overdue search strings. In the past few months, here’s what we’ve got.

bowling team names – January was my record month for this string. It’s now my top search bringing people here, and my site has moved up to the #2 result. Add your team names to the list!
gila monster – I’ve seen this string rising in my stats over the past few months, but I’m not sure where it’s coming from. I’m not on the first pages of web results or image results for Google or Yahoo. Hmmm…
indie haircuts – This is another rising string in the past couple months, but again puzzling since I’ve fallen out of the first few pages of results. Google’s been playing with their ranking a bunch, so I’ll chalk it up to that.

The less common and just plain weird strings have included…

tall man drawing
chris chase bowhunter – Coming soon to theaters
duluth duluth duluth is on fire
guns and espresso – Failed business idea #672
how many monkeys does it take – A lot more than you think
italian language will you go out with me
list of movies with monkeys
the cougar drink like my women on the rocks – I don’t even know
eat cheerios if you are gay – Now I’m really confused
what is a d-list celebrity – Pauly Shore?
is email instantaneous – NO!
mr potato head rhinestones
music rounds for kindergarteners – Row Your Boat, Freire Jacques…
xtreme 2006 – Totally

Almost time for the big game. Enjoy! Gooo… advertising!

King of the Strings

It’s time for a search string roundup from the past 3 months. There’s some exciting news to report. Starting in August, I officially have a new string at the top of my list, bringing folk to my site from search engines across the world. The “King of the Strings” is no longer “incredibles porn” but now, “bowling team names“. I mentioned it back in April, when it first started climbing and it kept going. In September I had more than 600 hits for the new string. And of course there’s the usual batch of puzzles, silliness, and amusement…

bear beach – So that’s where they go in the winter
ed rondthaler – I’m getting quite a few hits each month for this great uncle of mine. I need to write him a letter.
can a keytar and keyboard be in the same band – Heck yeah!
good and bad things about eating yogurt
imhotep is invisible problem – Darn pesky Imhotep
snot guns
area code coolness comparison – My area code is better than yours
close-up breast video -xxx -adult -disease -scar -infest -cancer – So, what kind of close-up breast video are you looking for?
emotional design in restaurants restaurants emotional design – Search engines appreciate a little repetition to help them along.
flashing lights on school buses bug me – More than running over little kids?
kid with a fork – Perhaps you’re looking for the Urban Matador
jokes mourning
the most resonation shooting in a school – Huh? Not only is it an insensitive question, but your grammar’s broke.
reptiles and amphetamines – What a great string. It’s actually the name of a nearby climbing route.

A Stringy Long Tail

Another few months, and some more traffic, means more search strings bringing people here. The only real interesting development in my most popular search strings is that in June, “lopolis” is now one of my top 10 search strings. The rest are still most of the same terms as past months, which are, well… you know what.

Search strings are really a great example of the long tail. For example, in the month of June, out of a total 940 logged search strings, the top 10 (the “short head”) strings alone made up a substantial 43% of the total traffic. The middle section of strings, ranging from 40 hits to 4, made up just 27% of the total. Finally, the remaining search strings, getting just 1, 2, or 3 hits each made up the remaining 30% of the traffic. That was 833 of the total 940 strings that got such low hit counts. Long tail indeed.

The past few months have also given me these unique winners…

guinness world record for most poops in a day – I don’t want to know.
what’s up man hey yo what’s up yeah what’s goin’ on here sick a – Ooooh, they’re informer lyrics
brown banana ripeness – Second Google result
dreams about burning cats – Um, no… never
women turn into octopus dreams – Every time
elephants eating people
blogs with girls who take their temperature rectally – What!?!?
drunk snowman – That’s why they call him “Frosty”
eating grass flirty speak – Hey baby, does my green tongue turn you on?
will you go out with me translated to italian = Ciao!
penny arcade beating a dead horse – Very much so
phone browther – Thingular may already have one
poopy snot – Oh yeah, #1 on Google

Search Stringulation

It’s been 3 or 4 months since I’ve written a search string summary. This time, something a little different. Instead of my random amusing search strings, I’m going to start with my top 5 search strings traffic-wise for the past 3 months. Not exactly the most PG-rated, but here are the totals…

#1 banksy = 435 hits (third page of Google image search)
#2 incredibles porn = 353 hits (there might be a market for this)
#3 street art = 293 hits
#4 the incredibles porn = 264 hits (yes, definitely a market)
#5 bowling team names = 171 hits (only posted a month and a half ago)

And now for the more amusing random phrases…

be cool stay in school
i need chris browns real phone number – Try
is cool relative – No, and you’re lame
most unsuccessful attempts to guinness world record – Most gunshot wounds to the head?
boob.gif – First page of Google results
malfunctioning janet jackson free photo – Not the wardrobe, just a “malfunctioning janet jackson”
thithter – nor hither
thurfing – with a “web browther” of courth

String-gle Bells

It’s that time of year where I start getting a bunch (a hundred or two) search string hits a month for “bad santa” all thanks to that Christmas party picture I posted a few years ago.

Also in the past two months, in addition to the usual junk, I’ve seen these gems…

sheesh – gads!
closeup pictures of baby hamsters
how collections affect credit – I don’t think this site has done a thing for my credit rating
young girls feetsmell
ackbar drunk – Pwapare the fweet for hyperschhpaascshsshshhshhhhh
passivism – aggressivistic?
singing turkey collections – Now that’s something I’d love to see


Some of the better search strings from the past two months…

html code for you oughta know by alanis morissette – Wait, you’re coding a song? Huh?
licky – boom boom
list of black – a blacklist?
pubic crabs jumping in peoples eyes – worst. visual. ever.
silly little kid – I sure am
baudrillard paintball – in a virtual disneyworld
dry off – towels
last night i dreamt i was pregnant
mayors buddy icons
microscopic expressionism – amoeba kandinsky

Summer Strings

This summer has been flying by, and so has the traffic on my website. OK, not so much the latter, but nonetheless I have some random search strings from June and July to share…

pixelated!! – Vectors!!
a lot of interesting thoughts – Here?
break up if they kiss someone else – Like, totally
difference between a blimp and a zeppelin – This issue was fully debated with members of the Trachtenburg family here
is talking to oneself a bad thing – Hey self, is it?
average punch speed miles per hour boxing – All I could find was some Tae Kwon Do site claiming the fastest kick in a tournament match was 70 mph, and the fastest punch was around 100 mph*
evil kitty cat with a rifle – C’mon, why does he have to be evil?
impatient people – Am I done with this post yet?
iwant to chat to micheal jackson – If you ask your Mommy nice, she might let you sleep over
parkour minimum age – Um, it’s just running and jumping. 3-10 year olds are the leading experts. I’d be more concerned about a maximum age.
why is un a valid word in scrabble – Because it’s in the dictionary
triple tit – Rent Total Recall
silly fork

*I would guess that the fastest mph punch would have to be close to the world-record fastball in baseball. What you’re doing is essentially the same: swinging/throwing/pushing a part of your body through the air as fast as possible. Do you think the mechanics at play are different enough to create drastically different speeds? Can anyone find a website that isn’t about the fastest knockout or paper-punching machines?

Stringing me along

The months keep flying by, so here’s a round-up of the more interesting April and May search strings. As always, my search strings are rather heavy on the sexual and drinking angle, which either says something about the content of my blog, or what people typically search for on the Internet. Or both…

hairy rhinocerous
kittens drinking lots of beer – what a great idea!
sheesh – gosh!
thermometer in bum pictures
beast boy kissing raven – did somebody get new nicknames?
i like my women stout and bitter – no similie necessary?
let’s try this again. women are like coffee – ok, there we go
feigning a temperaturetake my advice, kids
toboggans without people on them photos
what is mean smell my feet
info seattle to portland the bike thing – y’know, the thing

Hanging by a String

So much to catch up on after these two crazy weeks. I’ll be back to some regular posts once I get this out of the way. Some of March’s search strings…

incredibles porn – this has been at the top of my search string list for a while now, and it (and it’s variations) now account for more than 25% of my search string hits. Maybe I should start generating some content for these popular searches.
plague – simple, to-the-point
admiral poopy pantsAhoy!
drink shot flu – Vitamin C!
half-mast of flag for march 18 2005 u.s. seattle – I wonder if I actually answered their question
how old is your brother in spanish – same age as in English
octopus tentacles grab girl pet – Sick! Who buys a girl as a pet!?

OK, so there really wasn’t that much new stuff. I’m mostly seeing more and more variations on the old strings, and since I’ve been slacking on the updates, there’s not a whole lot of content to get searched. ‘Til next time.

String me along

A measly 4 posts since I did my last search string roundup. I blame it on the short and busy month of February. And the groundhogs. Anyway, let’s just get this out of the way:

chair hithere
numchuck skills – GOSH!
disney’s – A ride? A themepark? Jason’s new employer?
young feet smell – Old feet stink
comments on imaginary girlfriends – Yeah. No comment.
goatherd herd – A little repetitive redundant?
solar powered sex machine – My imaginary girlfriend works rain or shine.
women’s chunkie shoes – try Masai Barefoot Technology!

It’s string time again

My favorite search strings from January (my highest traffic month to date!)…

chris chase taylor blog stranger – OK, this isn’t a favorite. Who’s stalking me? Thankfully, only my main site shows up.
what font does jeb bush use for logo – Whaaa?
you know like numchuck skills bowhunting skills computer hackin – Flippin’ sweet!
art – chris taylor – I am Art!
drinkskill – I prefer to read this as “drink skill” and not “drinks kill”
how many hours to get from seattle to portland – by bike, you’re looking at about 17 hours
thermometer up the bum video – “Once used rectally, thermometer should not be used orally
wtf is a roflcopter – OMG n00b!

Keep the ridiculous searches coming, and I’ll keep posting stupid stuff.

Stringy New Year!

December was my site’s busiest month to date (traffic-wise, not bandwidth) and I really wasn’t sure why until I looked at my search string results. The holiday season brought 199 hits for the phrase “bad santa.” A certain photo I took at a Christmas party last year is on the ninth page of Google’s image search.

In addition to misbehaving Santa pictures, a certain other subject brought a lot of traffic here last month. Last time I summarized my search strings, I mentioned “elastigirl ass” and “Incredibles porn.” I should have known better. Of course animation-related, and especially Disney-related porn has a huge following on the interporn… er, pornterweb… I mean… International Library of Porngress. The total was around 300+ hits for naughty Incredibles or Elastigirl-related search strings. And with this paragraph, I’m sure I’ve solidified my position even more.

Here are some of the less-popular, but rather amusing strings from December…

hairy cheeks – this makes me giggle
anchorman will ferrell photos gun show – I’ve got my two tickets
giddy quotes – tee-hee!
i like my women like i like my jokes – Old and tired?
is there art without an audience – maybe I should go back to taking this site more seriously
jedzillahere he is in Japan
snot guns – I got two. One for each of ya. ::sniff::
web browther – thurfing the web with a lithp

Gee, Strings for Everything

Wow, I posted disappointingly few entries in the two months since I last did this. Maybe I should try picking up the blogging pace. Then again, maybe not.

October and November highlights, here we go…

chihuahua – the new top search string for the past two months, (244 hits for it in November!) beating out the former favorite stencils
ballcock – tee-hee, I said “allco”
bizzle – 5 hits in Octizzle
alex skyler – they have become one
guns don’t kill people people with moustaches kill peopleya damn right
10mb blowjob – is that compressed or uncompressed?
jiu jitsu fixed gear – I’m definitely not hip enough
realistic robot babies .com – I just might have to buy that domain
thanksgiving turkey soccer animated gif – what?
elastigirl ass pic – wow, people are after The Incredibles porn already!
gay lopolis – isn’t my site faaabulous?