Category Archives: Links

How to Destroy the Earth

From: How to Destroy the Earth

Destroying the Earth is harder than you may have been led to believe.

You’ve seen the action movies where the bad guy threatens to destroy the Earth. You’ve heard people on the news claiming that the next nuclear war or cutting down rainforests or persisting in releasing hideous quantities of pollution into the atmosphere threatens to end the world.

Fools.

The Earth was built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you’ve had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.

Read how to destroy the earth…

On a few lighter notes

After two morbid posts in a row, I thought I’d go a little more light-hearted in this one…

Unused Audio Commentary by Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky, for the Return of the King DVD

Banksy installs paintings in NY City museums (posted by Wooster Collective, and disseminated by kottke)

Stereogum posts the hilarious Ashton Kutcher as Kevin Federline underwear commercial from SNL.

I haven’t even watched it yet, but I already give it my official stamp of amusement to the trailer for, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo.

Trailer-iffic

Some new trailers/video on the web, worth checking out…

Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride
Nightmare Before Christmas redux? It’s great to see them get the same look with CG.

Appleseed
Looks like it’s got some amazing visuals, but I don’t know if the writing/voice-acting will be able to keep up.

Kung Fu Hustle
Wow! From the same guy that brought us the hilarious, Shaolin Soccer. I can’t wait.

Oh, and you can also watch that creepy new Nike ad.

Is it mean to be laughing?

Last week some of the big, hip, high-traffic, web-celebrity blogs and meme sites posted (non-ironic) links to this page and video. Basically, this guy Justin has been blogging since before the internet was even around (I’d never heard of him until now, which I guess makes me a much lower caliber blogger). So he went and had a nervous breakdown and video-taped it and posted it on the web. What was his nervous breakdown about? Of course it was about posting his whole life on the internet, but still feeling so alone, yadda, yadda… When I finally mustered up the courage to watch this guy weep for 10 minutes, well, I laughed a little. First off, he reminded me of the How to Be Emo kid. Probably because crying into a webcam in the middle of the night has got to be pretty high up there on the emo scale. I should probably have more sympathy for this guy, because I’m not exactly without my fair share of mental problems. But seriously, if posting your life on the internet instead of connecting with real people is driving you crazy… um, that’s a pretty easy thing to fix. Or embrace it and start writing poetry and songs, and call your band Bright Eyes, or The Jeff Buckley’s or The Whiny McWhiners. I hear chicks really dig depression in the form of sweaty musicians.

In response, somebody did make a parody video of the breakdown, which had me laughing too, but missed the mark in a few spots.

Has your profound love for the internet ever brought you to tears?

Judging it like it is

Thanks to Andrew‘s recent birthday, he is now the proud owner of City of Heroes, a massively-multiplayer online game where you play as a superhero of your own creation. We’ve had a lot of fun with it in the past couple weeks, and tonight was no exception. We gave birth to the City of Heroes Costume Judge. Stay tuned for a gallery of some of our best, and worst judged costumes. Andrew gives some good background to what brought this character to life. Here’s the judge in action on one of his first victims… er… subjects (we gave him a 2):

Judging

After a minute or two, people quickly started lining up to have their costumes judged. A few highlights from the Judge’s first night…

After rating “Fire Dancer” a 6: “Thank you judge and I judge you to be sexy”

“Commando Elite judges Costume Judge’s sex life to be a 1″

Upon rating Energy Flame a 3, he fell to his knees saying, “All my hopes and dreams shattered! Damn you Costume Judge! Damn you!”

A while into the judging, The Crowd Pleaser showed up and started following the Judge around, giving everybody a 10. We gave The Crowd Pleaser an 8 for his costume.

Stay tuned to costumejudge.meatfreezer.com for more…

Superbad Things

I've really been liking thingsmagazine.net lately. Instead of (or in addition to) repeatedly checking the various meme blogs, this provides a nice one-stop spot for a variety of good links in a single daily post.

Also, Coudal Partners just linked to Superbad, which I remember seeing about 5 years ago for the first time. It's a sort of non-sensical, ever-expanding design/art project. Looks like there's a bunch of new “content” since I last surfed around. Worth a look.

Lastly, Dooce's recent post, A Labor Story, is wonderfully hilarious, brilliantly written, and nearly brought me to tears.

Thoughts we thunk while drunk

(the below snippets were remembered after a night of drinking and are entirely out of context)

S: “Has Jeb Bush stuck his tube in that girl's mouth yet?”

Feeding tube resources. Most common are G-tubes which enter straight into the stomach. There are also J-tubes which feed into the jejunum at the top of the small intestine. Another type is the NJ-tube, which enters the nose, down the throat, through the stomach and into the intestine. For people whose entire gastrointestinal systems no longer work, an IV is used and nutrients are pumped directly into an artery.

If I had my druthers I would have found a more interesting origin for the word.

Free download of the font made up of all corporate logo letters.

Shelley Jackson's Skin project. The first idea for a tattoo I've seriously considered.

C: “Bikes are really efficient”
L: “For a gas-powered vehicle a scooter ain't bad.”
S: “A scooter is like Chinese food and a bike is like the fortune cookie.”
C: “Because Chinese food gives you gas and fortune cookies are really efficient?”

Hogging

C: “Forget hogging, tonight we're going coma-ing.”
C: “Ick, I just remembered that scene from Kill Bill.”

Jed, do you know the lyrics, or can you sing all of Snow – Informer? If so, please make a recording and send it to me.

All of the lyrics to Outkast's Hey Ya!

Pirates, sharks and imaginations

Welcome to The Admiral as he sets sail upon the vast open ocean that is the Inter-wet.

Hey, Alex since we both loved swimming so much, why don't we try for the Alcatraz Sharkfest Swim next year. Sounds great! They even have separate divisions for swimmers without wetsuits! We're all set!

Andrew Davis has got a collection of interesting and amusing quotations going.

Put it on your calendars, September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day. Well, shiver me timbers! Arrr!!!

Goings-on

It's official, I registered for the Seattle Escape From the Rock Triathlon, which was another of Alex's crazy ideas to get ourselves in shape. Here we go again.

I picked up a copy of Schott's Original Miscellany yesterday and haven't been able to put it down. There's also a great website for the book, with some excerpts.

Interesting article about Friendster's (losing) battle against Fakesters. It has an excerpt of a conversation between Big Corporation and Pure Evil, which is doubly amusing because it turns out Big Corporation is a friend of a friend whom I met while out for drinks the other night. When Friendster came up it was quite amusing to hear him refer to himself in the third person, as Big Corporation. My little Friendster parody is still up, and now there are about a billion other parodies out there to choose from.

I live in a city full of 'em and yes, hipsters are annoying (via Treebutcher). Thankfully, according to The Hipster Handbook and the quiz, I'm not even close. It is scary that I can fill in just about all of Hipster Bingo (via Saranwarp) just by looking around the office at work. At least there are no ironic moustaches.

w00t! A penny!

No definitive conclusions in either mystery.

w00t! woot? w00t!

Would a penny dropped from the Empire State Building kill someone? (even Maxim has come up with an answer for this one.) The official Empire State Building answer:

bq. Due to the shape of the building, when wind blows against it, it is driven up, creating “updrafts” — if coins are tossed from the top, the wind blows them against the building and they drop on one of the setback roofs — usually coins from 86 drop to 80 and when the electricians are changing the color gels they collect the loose change. Coins and other objects do not make it to the street; roofs of cars and buses are not crushed, people are not killed and holes are not made in the streets and sidewalks. Perhaps when it is very windy these objects are carried off to New Jersey or into the river.