Category Archives: Heard

Talking to oneself

My cubicle is right next to the corner of the office area that has all of the wires and cables connected for the telephone, the computer network and the electricity. This provides for the occasional excitement of repair-men coming in and cursing at wiring problems, etc… There is also, the network technician. Now, I understand, and most people would agree, that talking to oneself is not always a bad thing. We all do it from time to time. The occasional, sarcastic, “Way to go!” to oneself, or a, “C'mon, you can do this.” Along with any other number of inspirational or self-flagellating comments. But then there's the network technician. It is like he vocalizes every single part of his thought process. He debates with himself about his options to fix a certain cable, he swears at himself for screwing up, and he reaffirms and triply reaffirms his decisions about repairs. An example of a few minutes listening to him, might go something like this (trust me, this is pieced together from actual things that I've heard):

bq. “Allright, what do we have here? Looks like this cable goes to that trailer… Then which one is this? Who the fuck put this here? Those stupid sons of bitches who fuck around with– …and look at this! Oh, this one must go over here. OK, that makes sense. But that means I need to get a new box right here. Right? Yeah, because I can't bring this over there without another one right here. I need to put a box here. There's no two ways about it. Yup. No two ways about it. You're so stupid, of course you need to. There's no other option. Because this can't reach over there without it. And I can't put another line in, until I have another box. Yeah, there's no two ways about it. I've got to get another one. OK then, I'll put another one in . . .”

That's enough, I think you get the idea. Oh, and just the other day, to top it all off, he was singing too… “Her name was Lola… She was a showgirl…”

Phone conversation

I got a call at work and this was the conversation (nearly word-for-word):

(I pick up the phone)
Chris: “Hello, this is Chris Taylor.”
Maureen (in a very high-pitched, happy voice): “Hi, this is Maureen. I just took over in this sales position at PC Connection. You placed an order with us?”
Chris: “Yes, I already received it.”
Maureen: “I know.”
Chris: “OK…”
M: “I wanted to give you my e-mail for contact information, if you ever want to place another order.”
C: “Oh, OK.”
(long pause)
M: “Well, what is it?”
C: “What's what?”
M: “Your e-mail.”
C: (gives work e-mail address) “Y'know, the person you should probably be talking to is Maureen Grant in the purchasing department.”
M: “Hey! My name's Maureen too. (giggles) I have Maureen Grant's phone number right here (recites number). She's in the purchasing department.”
C: “Yes.”
M: “Great, I'll get that contact info to you right away. (hangs up)

Trucks

Yesterday I passed a truck for a plumbing company called, “Royal Flush.”

A few weeks ago I passed a truck for a construction company called, “Erection Specialists.”

Professor quotations

In discussing how people hate scrolling down web pages:
“Imagine if, in the theater, you had to scroll to see all the action while watching the movie. You'd see nothing but the tops of skyscrapers, while Godzilla is fucking shit up, down below.”

This man is truly the most entertaining professor I've ever had. Here are a few more gems…

After a student described her “half-baked” idea for a project:
“I hope you're here to finish the baking. Put that thing in the oven!”

“Don't make me get all Crouching Professor, Hidden Dragon on you!” (and then feebly attempts to run up the wall, as done in the movie)

When a student was caught chatting with another:
Student: “We can multi-task…”
Professor: (in a stern voice)- “Well, right now I'm going to micro-manage and tell you to sit down and listen.”

A different professor, about a bad project in digital art:
“It dis-suspends your suspended disbelief.”

Digital art?

From a panel discussion on digital art:

“If art is about effort… Mozart composed most of his work in 1-2 days. I spent 20 years on this program. Celebrate *my* art!”

“How can you say your computer has a creative mind? Mine just adds and subtracts 1's and 0's!”

While discussing Deep Blue playing Kasparov in chess, and whether a really good chess move can be “artistic”:

“Chess can't be art, chess is just a game.”
“Chess is *not* just a game!”

– Quotes primarily from the creator of a computer program that will analyze a database of music and compose a new piece in that style. I forget his name.

Green hair

People say funny things when you have green hair. Here are a few that I recall:

“Woah, your hair is green.”

Little girl, whispering to her friend, “Pssst, his hair is green.”

Two different guys, in a similar sultry tone, “Your hair really brings out your eyes.”

“Hey, Astro-turf!”

“Did you know your hair is green?”

Drawing elephants

elephant1.jpg

The zoo I went to today was pathetic. Basically there was a highway running right alongside the animal enclosures, and the actual space that these animals had to themselves was miniscule. It was a sad scene. But what was more entertaining than the poor caged animals? A group of students drawing the animals, of course!! Passersby seemed much more interested in what we were drawing than anything else. There are huge frickin' elephants, from a different continent, standing right over there, and you're looking at my drawings of them? It didn't really bother me as much as it just amused me. Here are some of the more dumb, obvious or just plain silly things I overheard…

Numerous mothers to kids and vice versa (African Elephants approx 100 ft away): “Look at the artists.”

Mother to 3yr-old daughter: “What does an elephant do?”
Daugher: “Poop.”

Older sister to younger sister: “Look at those poops… Do you want poops like that?”

elephant2.jpg

Child to mother: “Why are these people drawing?”

'Intelligent' Mother to child : “He's (elephant) eating sticks, that ain't good.”

Young girl to a fellow drawing student: “Elephants are, like, so easy to draw.” When given a pencil, she proceeded to draw a bubbly looking elephant. “There, easy.”

Little girl to elephants: “Here kitty, kitty, kitty…”

elephant3.jpg