Category Archives: Absurd

A Surreal Airport Moment With Cheese

I’m not sure why I didn’t remember this sooner, but on my way back from Duluth, Minnesota I was waiting in the Minneapolis Airport when I had an especially strange moment. I was sitting at my gate, waiting for boarding, watching the “Airport Network” version of CNN news, where the top stories were Al-Zarqawi’s death, some new suicide bombing, and Senator Robert Byrd setting the record for longest-serving US senator. The CNN anchor said they’d be right back after a commercial break, then a blank screen for a second, and then…

This character comes onto the screen, immediately followed by this bit with the same character (YouTube videos). There was no break between the segments, they were combined into a single 1-minute bit, which made it feel particularly long where you usually see 15 or 30 second spots. I was engrossed/amused/baffled. I was nearly laughing out loud. I looked around and saw some other puzzled faces amongst the airline passengers (particularly at the screen-licking part). I couldn’t for the life of me imagine what it was an ad for, but it was brilliant. I even thought for a second that it was a practical joke by the person controlling the airport TV feed. Maybe he slipped in some humor during his boring day? And then finally the Cartoon Network logo came up.

The character is from the show, Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, and his name is Cheese. It’s a Craig McCraken (Powerpuff Girls, Dexter’s Lab) show that I had somehow never run across before. Cheese is one of the minor, imaginary friend characters, and he also likes cereal. It all makes sense now, but that sure made for a surreal airport moment.

Distraction: Best Movie Scenes Ever

Last night checking out some videos on the addictive YouTube, I stumbled upon a clip from the movie Rad, which was aptly titled, “Best movie scene.” I’d heard about this incredible scene, but had yet to watch it. It exceeds all expectations and words can’t do it justice. Featuring Lori Loughlin (of Full House “fame”), who’s character finally ditches her popular ex for the outcast BMX biker, and the two share a prom “dance” to Send Me An Angel. If that description didn’t sell you, I don’t know what will.

I figured that scene would be hard to beat, but the title, “best scene ever” gave me the idea to search for that and similar phrases such as, “best movie scene” and “best fight scene“. There’s some good, great and horrible stuff out there. One in particular I have to recommend is this fight scene which is so horrible it’s truly brilliant. Give it until the end.

Lastly, while you’re wasting time on YouTube, check out this great educational video parody series, Look Around You (thanks Andy). I was laughing quite a bit… “Problem 3. For this problem, you will need to set your calculator to Maths.”

Bowling Team Names

It’s almost as if there’s an unspoken rule that bowling team names require bad puns. Here are some bowling team names from my company’s annual bowling tournament…

  • The Lucky Strikes
  • Rolling Pins
  • Spare Me
  • Foot Fungus Freaks
  • Pin Pals
  • Ten Pin Wizards
  • Split Happens
  • The Thunderballs

Proposed team names, but unused…

  • The Gutter Brawlers
  • Wholly Bowlers
  • We’ve Got Balls
  • Split Ends
  • I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter

bowling
bowling by Ginny

Naming Your Own Bowling Team
Are you still looking for a good name for your bowling team? None of the above team names suit your fancy? There are some simple rules you can follow to creating your own team name. First, start with a word related to bowling. Here’s a table of some of the most common bowling-related words and terminology:

strike spare split
gutter ball pin
tenpin bowl lane
alley bowling gutter ball
league frame roller
finger shoes beer

If you want to avoid a pun or play on words, you could simply pick one or two of the above words and put them together, adding an adjective for a little more pizzazz. Go for something with a good ring to it, or a little alliteration. For example:

  • Super Strikes
  • Crazy Pin Lane
  • Bad Ball Bowlers
  • Smelly Bowling Shoes

You would probably agree that these are pretty boring. I highly recommend you explore the puns and wordplay. A good start is to think of a common phrase that happens to use one of the words in the chart. Simply reuse that phrase and you automatically have a bowling team name with a double meaning. For instance, “Spare Change”, “Going on Strike”, or “Alley Cats” are regular phrases that work well for a bowling team. In the original list, “The Lucky Strikes” and “Rolling Pins” both followed this rule of thumb.

If you want to get even more experimental and want a more complex pun, you can try thinking of words, phrases, movie titles, or celebrity nams that sound similar or rhyme with bowling terminology. In the list at the top, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter” is amusing because it replaces “Butter” with “Gutter”. Or try swapping similar-sounding words in and out of a bowling phrase. Here are a few more ideas along those lines…

  • Gutter Bawl
  • Changing Lanes
  • Alley McBowl
  • The Mis-Splits
  • Gutterfinger
  • The Tenpin Commandments
  • Axis & Alleys
  • Split-finger Fast-bowl
  • The Pin Pricks
  • The Incredibowls

Of course if you want to be the team dressed to impress, (or a bunch of hipsters), grab some proper bowling shirts and stencil on your ironic team name!

Good luck naming your bowling team! Have you come up with any great team names? If so, feel free to add them below.

Whiteboard polls: Arnold’s Best Role

*Update — Added latest tallies according to “the board.” And believe it or not, someone tried writing in Jingle All the Way.

In my group at work we have a whiteboard that we’ve dedicated to random community polls and surveys. Currently our board contains:

Arnold’s Best Role

  • Conan the Barbarian – ||||
  • The Terminator – |||| |||
  • John Kimball (Kindergarten Cop) – ||||
  • “Dutch” (Predator) – |
  • Harry Tasker (True Lies) – ||||
  • Douglas Quaid (Total Recall) – ||
  • Running Man – |
  • Governor of California – |
  • Mr. Universe – |
  • Other crap – | (Twins)

For All Your Space Travel Needs

Space Vehicle Hull Repair Patch A refrigerator magnet, er… Hull Repair Patch purchased from the newly opened Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. located at 826 Seattle in the Greenwood neighborhood just outside the city. There are a bunch of other photos on Flickr from the store and the grand opening. Great decorations and hilarious writing throughout the store, and of course a great looking writing workshop in the back.

Over or Under Debate

At the end of the work day on Friday, a few coworkers and I were lingering in the office and for one reason or another, we ended up on the eternal debate of “over or under.” Yes, in reference to how you hang toilet paper. Doing a Google search yields tons of sites that have put together surveys and informal polls. This debate has certainly been around for years, and the two sides are equally zealous.

Amongst coworkers I was in the minority with my answer of “under.” It’s my preference, and while it isn’t necessarily standard hotel-practice, it makes more sense to me. Plus, if you’ve ever lived with curious, energetic pets, there is another strong argument for the safer “under” method.

How do you hang your toilet paper rolls? New sheet hanging over the roll or new sheet hanging under? Do you feel strongly enough to actually change a roll’s orientation in someone else’s house? Or do you not really care either way?

Note: There is also the “I don’t want to change the roll right now, so I’ll set it on it’s side on top of the toilet” option, which I’m discounting because that’s just lazy.

Two Dollar Homepage is Sold!

It’s official, the $$ Two Dollar Homepage is sold.

In this challenging market space, pioneered by the Million Dollar Homepage, I was able to swoop in and stake my claim. Not only was I undercut by the competition, but I was even up against a completely free site. How did my offering survive in this crowded arena? I went with a unique business model focussing on a single $2 commitment with the promise of exclusivity. No sharing of the space, no rotating, and no 10×10 pixel squares. The Two Dollar Homepage was a resounding success. Now to figure out why it wasn’t profitable…

Do Not Fly, Unless You Want To

On Tuesday, I went on my first business trip, which consisted of an exhausting day trip down to LA and back. Upon arriving at the airport early in the morning, I went to the e-ticket check-in kiosk, and started the process. I entered my confirmation number, confirmed my name and flight, and clicked continue… “We’re sorry, we cannot process your ticket, please check-in with an attendant.” OK, I thought, this happens occasionally, I’ll ask this lady to check me in. She gets my info, enters my name, stares at the screen for a moment and then bangs her fist on the counter. “I’m sorry. I can’t check you in. Your flight number is 698, but it says you’re on the Do Not Fly list. The Customer Service line isn’t too long, so go over there and tell them.”

A little confused at being on the notorious Do Not Fly list, I walked over to Customer Service and waited in line for about 30 minutes*. I finally got up to the desk, told the gentleman I was on the Do Not Fly list.
“Who told you that?”
“The woman at the counter there.”
“OK, let me see your ID”
I handed him my driver’s license and he walked off to the check-in counter. I waited another 5-10 minutes and then he returned. He handed me my ID and my boarding pass and said I was good to go. Off I went.

Advice to terrorists: If you find yourself inconveniently placed on the Do Not Fly list, don’t fret. Simply walk over to the Customer Service desk, present them a current form of ID, and you’re all set. No questions asked. Enjoy your flight!

*Note – The Customer Service line is actually one of the worst lines to have to wait in at the airport. There were only a half-dozen people in front of me, but keep in mind that most everyone in the Customer Service line has some sort of complex problem that requires explanations, re-ticketing, negotiations and argument.

Heated Discussion

One of my oldest posts has seen some recent attention, and I never would have thought that The Admiral would be the target of such retaliation. On top of it, they’re insulting my elephant drawings. In defense of the drawings, well… I know they’re not great. I really need to go back to the zoo and do some more sketches to bring that page up to date. Y’know, because apparently some little kids with bad grammar have been looking at it.

Climbing Skillz

Seen on the corkboard at my regular climbing gym:

Upcoming Clinics
Skills You Hope to Never Use
This week:
Cutting the Belay

Next week:
Self-Amputation

(actual upcoming classes were: Passing a Knot While Belaying and Disengaging the Belay and Setting up a Five-to-One Pulley System)

Lightning Bolt: The Movie

What could be better than the classic bit of LARPing (Quicktime) caught on video? How about an entire documentary on a live-action role-playing event! Darkon The Movie (Quicktime). With some modest production values, decent camera work and a pounding faux string-and-brass soundtrack, it doesn’t look too bad (awkward amateur acting aside).

And just to preempt the obvious first comment… “More like DORK-kon!”