Where’s my Survivor: Antarctica?

After last night's close of another season of Survivor, we were given a sneak peak for the location of the next Survivor, as they always do, in a desperate effort not to lose the few viewers CBS has (primarily from Survivor in the first place). The Pearl Islands, off the coast of Panama? C'mon, I'm tired of islands and jungles and hot weather. Send them to Antarctica! Or the Arctic circle! Or Alaska, even! I want to see the contestants bundled up, huddled next to each other, trying to prevent frostbite during the night. Maybe a few encounters with polar bears, or grizzly bears in Alaska. That would be spectacular. Instead, we get an island off the coast of Panama. They tried to liven it up by describing the chaotic history in the region, with pirates, and treasure, more pirates… and um… later on I think there was a canal or something. Are sunken pirate ships really a serious threat to Survivor contestants? Last I knew, sunken ships just sat there at the bottom of the ocean and turned into swanky high-rise apartments for all varieties of sea creatures. I want to see the contestants melting snow for fresh water, chipping holes in the ice to go fishing, hunting seals and penguins, and in turn being hunted by giant bears. Maybe even dealing with the 24 hours of daylight during the Alaskan summers and the insanity that follows. That'd be a real survival story. Of course it'll never happen, because CBS would have to sacrifice the girls in bikinis and the possibility of ratings-boosting nudity that they were blessed with in this last season.

8 thoughts on “Where’s my Survivor: Antarctica?

  1. redbeard

    If they make it a pirate themed survivor, I’m totally there. Damnit.

    I agree, though – I want Survivor: Nanuvit! Or Survivor: Alutian Islands – if Eskimos can do it, then godamnit, you should be able to as well!

  2. the urban matador

    i think this finally brings us to the truth of the matter, which is no surprise of course: the show has nothing to do with survival. it’s not about who can survive in the wilderness, it’s about who can suck it up long enough for everyone else to poop out.

    i’m with chris. if they did survior: siberia, i’d be hooked.

  3. lopolis

    Mmm… Siberia. Even better.

    You’re right, its never really been about survival. Only once (second season, in the outback, I think) did the contestants run out of food, because they didn’t ration their rice properly (yeah, the fact that they’re given food in the first place has always disappointed me). I was so excited, because now they would have to start surviving on their own… killing pigs, kangaroos, going fishing, whatever… But no, the next challenge, they were given all sorts of food prizes and allowed the option to trade their blankets for a new barrell of rice. We can only hope that ratings start dropping and they up the ante somehow. Or add pirates. Real ones.

  4. The Admiral

    i want “survivor: my apartment”

    it will be gender segregated- boys outside, girls inside. there will be an age limit- 18-26 (girls only). there will also be a clothing maximum (girls only) in which they have one article of clothing, and choose where to wear it (i choose the article of clothing). there will be specific characteristics in which all female contestants much meet (characteristics will be chosen by me). Only male tribe members can be voted out. male tribe members may not enter the apartment under any circumstance, with the exception of me, who cannot leave the apartment. female contestants also cannot leave under any circumstance. tribal council will take place in my bed, and will be held 4 times a day unless i would rather play playstation. only females are allowed to attend tribal council, and life will not be represented by fire, but instead by ritualistic bouncing on trampoline.

    i am accepting applications as of tonight.

  5. Survivor, Pennsylvania

    Survivor Pennsylvania would be awesome, they could have an amish theme, the could have farming immunity challenges and be a true Pennsylvanian

    John Doe

  6. wonkette

    @The Admiral:

    Well, if it has to be at your apartment with your rules, then I’ll be sure to keep my 5′ 9″ 120 lb 35-22-36 body outside. And I’ll bring two articles of clothing: the top & bottom to my bikini.


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